The ball is in my court but i would rather be eating ice-cream

I haven't really explained where i've been lately.
I've again dropped the ball and for that I'm sorry.
Not really, I've just been busy with other stuff, deal with it.

I left Australia in June to go back the summer camp i worked at last year. So many funny things happened that if i systematically listed them all you wouldn't believe me it was all true. But i swear, random shit just happens there. These are a few things i can think of;

- We killed a baby rattlesnake with a canoe paddle
- We got miniature ponies
- A kid sharted in the pool
- Chico brought a taser to camp, and taser everyone
- Capone got knighted with a rifle as an honorary American (he's english)
- Management thought it was a good idea to let me be responsible for rifles
- A girl who was smaller than the bow she used got a bullseye
- A girl came to camp wearing bacon earrings. The bacon had googly eyes and a moustache
- I ate an american version of 'breakfast cereal'; Lucky Charms.
- We included Hank the Goat in an intensive mini olympic style day 'Green and White day'. He did not enjoy it.
- Derby and I bought onesies and wore them in any appropriate situations. And many inappropriate.
- We went to Hooters and i found the allure.
- Derby and I convinced kids to swim in the lake rather than the pool because it was a lot nicer for us to sit there and lifeguard
- Every staff party resulted in someone throwing up all over camp when a new batch of kids were coming the next day
- On our nights off we would drink wine and scale a massive billboard

There are more stories and more images but i don't think they are fit for the internet.
Yes, they're that bad.

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Stop all the clocks, shut off the telephone

Unfortunately a few things have happened in my personal life which left all other matters secondary. Very, very secondary.
I came across this poem by W.H. Auden which sums up everything i wish i could have said, everything i wish i could say and everything i want to put to rest.



Stop all the clocks, shut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message; He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows on the white necks of the public doves
Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my north, my south, my east and west,
My working week, my sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: i was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

                                    - W.H. Auden

RunAroundRiot will resume as normal.

"Good afternoon Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

Finally got that film developed from a lifetime ago.

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Killing time like a Baws

I've been working the past couple of weeks in NW's Editorial department (you know, that weekly celebrity gossip mag, the one that prides itself on its Kardashian knowledge *cough*).

It's safe to say that I’ve had a fair amount of time on my hands - cue the internet.
YouTube is great for killing time, but there's only a certain amount of videos i can write off as 'research' before their other office dwellers start to question 'what exactly are you doing?'
I've since dabbled in a few other sites which when rotated around make me look like a very studious and vigilant worker.
Below are golden time-wasting nuggets. Peruse now, thank me later:


1. Texts from Bennett

This dude gets these texts from his 17-year-old cousin Bennett, who is a white boy under the impression he's a Crip. They are of an extremely derogatory nature to women, especially his girlfriend 'Mercedes', they entail his thoughts on hand jobs, tattoos and just being a 'straight up hustla'.

It's so bloody hilarious. All i can think about is a pre-pubescent Vanilla Ice behind the texts.

2. The Awkward Lean

A collation of photos submitted by the public of the phenomenon taking over in photos - the awkward lean. You know that chick that has her hand on her hip, pout in full form and leaning her head, nay her entire upper body in a contortionist like way? This is dedicated to her.

What makes it better is the usually unintentionally narcissistic captions which accompany the posts.

3. Tucker Max

With an opening line like "My name is Tucker Max, and I'm an asshole" you just know you're in for a treat.

A collection of one man's antics and sexual adventures have since resulted in book deals, movies and something to do with MTV.

Mr Max recounts story after story of his misendevours. There's one about a midget convention, getting drunk and ending up with sushi pants, and college based road trips, all usually revolving around his sex life.

He's crass, arrogant and by golly he's got a massive.....ego. But the man knows how to tell a good story.

4. Damn You Auto-correct

It's obvious. Everyone loves it. Hours of entertainment courtesy of others miscomfort.

5. 27bslash6

David Thorne. What to say about the man. He is possibly the biggest smart-ass out there. And if his antagonising nature isn’t directed at you he is one funny fella.
It's pretty much a site that showcases instances where he has put himself in a situation where he can mouth of to someone of lesser intelligence. Which is most people. Because he seems to be super smart.
He deals with consumer complaints with cartoons of cats, tries to settle a Blockbuster overdue bill with a drawing of a spider, hassles a bible studies teacher because of a permission slip, brings the office secretary to what I’m presuming is close to tears all because of a 'missing pet' sign. But the best is his constant antagonising of Simon Dempsey. Their relationship is as close to Jim and Dwight from The Office as one could hope. It even includes scans of 10 formal complaints Simon has made against David, they include changing his business card from Graphic Designer to Horse Whisper.

Honorable mention goes to - Ryan Gosling Vs Puppy:

An entire Tumblr site comparing photos of Ryan Gosling and puppies in a quest of answering the question: Is Ryan Gosling cuter than a puppy.

For comedic relief on this otherwise stalker-ish site, each picture is very like-minded, for easy comparison i guess....

You have no idea how tickled it makes me that a poet won the 'Written' leg of the 2012 SOYA Awards.
Andrew Bifield. What a man.
Below is my favourite of his submissions...


AFTER THE BUCK'S NIGHT

More than nine months passed: our great objections
Had deflated. I won money on
The timing of the news. They had gone
Through six months more than nine of our dissections
By the time the child was due. We laughed,
Drank, drew conclusions; had a brief return
To form: three months more, there was a turn,
And the baby wasn’t born.

The notice said bright colours: most wore Hawaiian
Shirts. The priest was an old broom, wooden and tall;
The church was brown and modern, and small.
So was the coffin. The sky had rolled from cyan
Into grey as the directors gave
Cards out at the door. Someone up back 
Disrupted the service with a heart attack.
The disapproval waved
Through the church, because they didn’t know;
And at the wake they realised. It was the real show.
Now the lucky duck is off to New York to attend the PEN World Voices.
Plus he gets $5000 in cold hard cash. Probably to invest in some of those trendy boat shoes whist in New York i would say.
Plus a year long mentorship with Markus Zusak. He's some dude who wrote a bunch of books and won a bunch of awards. Not a poet though.